Preface#
I saw a video on a short video platform with the title "Unknowingly, it's already ten years ago. Are these songs still on your playlist?".
Curiously, I clicked on it and watched the familiar yet unfamiliar music and scenes in the video, and couldn't help but feel a thousand emotions. It turns out that those things happened ten years ago. Time slipped away from my fingertips unnoticed, leaving behind memories and emotions all over the floor.
"Flowers bloom again, but people do not return to their youth." I often sigh at how time flies. Before I knew it, ten years had passed in the blink of an eye.
As the days go by, plain yet fulfilling, I suddenly realized that ten years had passed in the blink of an eye.
Memories of Ten Years Ago#
Ten years ago, I was still a naive child who had just entered junior high school, full of curiosity about the world and various unrealistic fantasies about the future. At that time, I thought the days were so long that they seemed to never end.
But who could have imagined that ten years later, today, I would be sitting here, reminiscing about the bits and pieces of the past, filled with emotions.
Being introverted and stubborn, the experience of living in a boarding school since the first grade of elementary school taught me independence at an early age, but it also made me not very good at getting close to people.
Facing new classmates and teachers, I always remained silent, preferring to stay in a corner and observe the world around me, as if I were a lonely traveler.
At that time, I would secretly write some sad non-mainstream words in the corners of my textbooks, such as "Looking up at the sky at a 45-degree angle, not letting tears fall."
My dreams at that time were simple, just to study hard, get good grades, and give my hardworking parents a better life. I also longed to one day leave this small town and see a broader world. I often fantasized about myself as a free-spirited wanderer, exploring the future world.
Although life was difficult, it was also regular. Every Sunday, I would carry my weekly necessities and walk several miles to school. The school conditions were not very good, with dormitories consisting of bunk beds and overcrowding. The desks and chairs in the classrooms were also very old, and the blackboard always had chalk marks that couldn't be completely erased. In winter, I had to wear more layers and rely on shivering to keep warm :).
At that time, occasionally during class breaks, some classmates would play some melancholic non-mainstream music, immersing themselves in their own little world.
In the social context of that time, rural development was relatively slow, and the teaching resources in the town's junior high school were scarce. The scarcity was to the extent that many subjects in the entire school had only one teacher, such as chemistry, biology, physics, geography, and English. This meant that there would be situations where one teacher taught multiple subjects, such as chemistry and biology being taught by the same teacher.
We didn't even start learning English until junior high school, which resulted in my English skills being weak. Every time I had an English class, I would feel a headache looking at those unfamiliar letters and words.
After so many years, now that I have graduated from university, I still haven't passed the English level four exam. Every time I think about this, I feel a bit regretful. If my English level could reach the average level, would I be able to go to a better high school and university? But fortunately, the teachers were dedicated and worked hard to teach us.
She patiently corrected our pronunciation and explained grammar knowledge over and over again, allowing us to learn as much knowledge as possible under limited conditions.
I still remember that at that time, we loved lying on the wild lawn next to the playground and looking at the stars during the short break between classes. The night sky was deep and mysterious, with stars twinkling faintly.
We lay on the grass, feeling the gentle touch of the breeze, discussing unrealistic dreams and aspirations for the future. That small wild lawn seemed to become our secret base, carrying our youthful innocence and beauty.
Junior high school may be the most unforgettable and happiest period in my student life. At that time, we didn't have much pressure or worries, only infinite longing and expectations for the future.
We studied together in the classroom, played together on the playground, and experienced the joys and sorrows of growing up together. Those days, although simple, were filled with warmth and happiness.
Imprints of Time: The Trajectory of Growth#
Academic Journey#
When I graduated from junior high school, fate played a little joke on me. I missed the opportunity to attend the top high school in the county by only 7 points and ended up going to the second high school in the county.
You see, in our small county, there were only these two high schools. I had mixed feelings at the time, feeling disappointed and worried about the future. But I knew that no matter where I went, as long as I worked hard, I would achieve something.
With the situation set, I didn't feel discouraged. The academic pressure in high school became even greater, with endless homework and exams. I faced tremendous challenges, not only trying to keep up with the fast-paced curriculum but also dealing with the pressure of various exams.
However, in this process, I also gained a lot. I learned how to manage my time effectively and study efficiently.
After graduating from high school, I made a resolute decision to major in computer science. Perhaps it was because this major didn't require much communication, which suited my introverted personality. But more importantly, I had a strong interest in computers since junior high school, and I had always cherished this idea.
I remember the first class of the semester, there was a typing speed test. I nervously sat in front of the computer, fingers stiffly tapping on the keyboard. When the results came out, I was second to last. In that moment, my face turned red, and I felt ashamed and frustrated, as well as a hint of inferiority.
But I didn't let it discourage me. Instead, I saw it as an opportunity to motivate myself.
At the beginning of the second semester of my sophomore year, I finally bought my first laptop with the scholarships and financial aid I earned through my own efforts. When I cautiously opened the brand-new computer for the first time, I was filled with excitement and joy. With this computer, I could practice programming and study more conveniently.
I started to explore various programming techniques eagerly in my spare time, searching for tutorials online and participating in programming forums. My programming skills began to improve. This also strengthened my confidence in excelling in computer science.
Looking back on the ten-year academic journey, I deeply understand the difficulties of growth.
Emotional World#
In the span of ten years, my interpersonal relationships have undergone earth-shattering changes.
In terms of friendship, during junior high school, as a socially anxious teenager, I unexpectedly made friends with a group of like-minded friends. At that time, there was still a faint non-mainstream atmosphere in the campus. We would secretly pass around lyric books filled with melancholic words during class breaks. On them, you might find phrases like "We look up at the sky together, holding our hearts tightly."
We played and ran around on the simple playground, spending countless wonderful moments together. At that time, we felt like the most unique beings in the world, with a touch of rebellion and stubbornness.
In high school, the pressure of academics was like a heavy mountain pressing down on me, making it hard to breathe. But I still made an effort to stay in touch with my friends. During short breaks between classes, we would confide in each other about the hardships of studying, encouraging and supporting each other through those difficult days.
In college, I met more friends from all over the country. From being shy and unable to speak up at first, I gradually integrated into the group. I learned how to care for others and get along with people. Friendship was like a warm sunshine, illuminating my once closed inner world.
In terms of love, I also had some naive and inexperienced experiences. In junior high school, maybe I just had a slight fondness for a classmate with a bright smile, but it was only a faint flicker of adolescence, not real love.
At that time, I would secretly write the other person's name in the corners of my textbooks, and then hastily erase it, as if it were a secret that couldn't be discovered. In high school, the heavy workload only allowed me to occasionally yearn for love during exhausted study breaks, but I had no time to truly experience a romantic relationship.
There was someone who came into my life like a ray of light, gradually healing my introverted and sensitive heart. We shared our joys and sorrows, and those days were filled with warmth. Unexpectedly, she got together with someone else more than a month before the college entrance examination, someone she had never mentioned to me before.
In that moment, my heart felt empty, filled with disappointment and pain. It was she who made the promise of being together after graduation. I felt like I was abandoned in a dark corner again, and those once beautiful moments shattered like fragile bubbles.
In terms of family, as I grew older, my relationship with my family quietly changed. Starting from high school, I only went back home for a few days during the Chinese New Year. Every time I returned to that familiar little village, I felt both the joy of coming home and a hint of melancholy.
Every time I heard that someone familiar from the village had passed away, my heart would ache. The familiar faces gradually disappeared, making me deeply understand the ruthlessness of time and the fragility of life.
Actually, before 2022, I had always had the impulse to escape from my original family. But I changed, and my parents changed as well.
Gradually, I began to cherish the time spent with my family. Every time I went home, I would actively help my parents with household chores and accompany them for chats and walks. I also gradually understood the importance of family. No matter what difficulties I encounter, my family will always be my strongest support and my spiritual haven.
The emotional experiences of these ten years have made me deeply understand the warmth and complexity of human nature. Each relationship is like a unique journey, which has made me grow a lot. I have transformed from a shy and introverted socially anxious teenager to a more outgoing and confident person, learning to cherish everyone around me.
I know that there will be many people coming and going in life's journey, but the truly important people will always be by our side. I will also manage these precious relationships with a more mature mindset.
Interests and Hobbies#
Ten years have quietly passed, and my interests and hobbies have undergone many changes.
During junior high school, smartphones had just appeared around me, and 3G networks had just covered the small town. The popular online game at that time was "Temple Run". I was passionate about reading comics and novels (which I still am now). Comics and novels were a door for me to escape from reality...
In high school, due to the increased academic pressure, I didn't have much time to develop hobbies. But I still listened to music on weekends and after-school hours, mainly instrumental music and traditional Chinese music.
I liked traditional Chinese music because it was a world that was far away from reality and beyond my reach (at least that's how I thought at the time), giving me a lot of imagination. Why do I prefer listening to instrumental music rather than songs with lyrics?
Perhaps it's because the lyrics tell other people's stories, no matter how bitter or sweet they are, they belong to others. Only in instrumental music can I hear my own stories and be moved. Each melody is a story, and the story is based on the feeling of listening, not influenced by lyrics. This feeling is truly indescribable.
In college, I had more free time and started to explore new interests and hobbies. I began to learn photography and used a camera to capture beautiful moments in life.
Looking back on the changes in my interests and hobbies over the past ten years, I realized that there were many reasons behind them. On one hand, as I grew older and the environment changed, my needs and mindset also changed.
During junior high school, I needed some relaxing and enjoyable ways to relieve academic pressure. In high school, I needed a quick way to relax. In college, I hoped to broaden my horizons and develop new skills through my interests and hobbies. On the other hand, technological advancements have also influenced my interests and hobbies.
The rise of photography gave me the opportunity to record the beauty of life in a new way, and the development of the internet made it easier for me to explore various interests and hobbies.
Ten Years of Reflection: The Gains and Losses of Growth#
Ten years have passed like a fleeting white horse, gone in a hurry. Looking back on these ten years, there have been laughter, tears, achievements, and regrets.
The greatest gain in these ten years for me is learning independence and resilience. The experience of living in a boarding school since the first grade of elementary school taught me how to take care of myself at an early age.
In terms of academics, I have gradually progressed from junior high school to university through my own efforts. I chose to major in computer science, which I am passionate about, and continuously improve my professional skills.
I have also gained precious friendships, friends who have accompanied me through different stages of life, giving me warmth and strength. In terms of family, I have come to understand the importance of family and learned how to care for and support them.
However, there have also been many regrets in these ten years. English has always been my weakness. Starting to learn English only in junior high school has resulted in weak English foundations, and I still haven't passed the English level four exam even after graduating from university. In terms of love, the person who touched my heart in high school eventually left me, and I haven't met anyone who has made my heart flutter in college.
Moreover, due to the busyness of academics, I have spent very little time with my family. Every time I go home and hear that familiar people from the village are no longer there, I feel guilty and regretful.
The gains and losses in the process of growth have shaped the person I am today. The gains have made me more confident and mature, while the regrets have taught me to cherish what I have now.
Losing does not mean failure, but rather a part of growth. It teaches us to cherish the beauty we once had and to let go of past pain and regrets.
Just like the regret of not being good at English, it has motivated me to study harder and improve my language skills. The loss of love has made me understand the value of love and taught me how to love and be loved in future relationships.
The absence of companionship with family has made me cherish every moment I spend with them and care about their lives and health.
Ten years of time have taught me that life is not perfect, and gains and losses are normal. We should not always dwell on past regrets but bravely face the future, cherish the present, and strive to make our lives more wonderful. Every step of growth is a journey intertwined with gains and losses.